Until suddenly I wanted to have a baby. Hmm, how did that happen? Clearly I lost my mind.
That was 6 years ago. Now I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old and my mind has turned to mush. I watch far more Curious George than news. I have far too few conversations with adults. The things that come out of my mouth are getting more and more ridiculous all the time. Here are a few examples:
"I have to go potty" I - as in ME, an adult have to go potty. The 21 year old me would have absolutely died if someone suggested that I would have been saying "potty" in 10 years.
"It's really hard to wipe with you sitting on my lap" Yeah. Peeing with a sobbing toddler on your lap. This is what
"Where are your pants?" Well, at least I never thought I'd say it to a 4 year old.
and in a similar vein
"I swear she was wearing underwear when I got her dressed this morning" Seriously, disappearing underpants? What the hell?
"Do not wipe poop on that"
"Don't stick your finger in the cat's butt please" I don't know what you think you are going to find up there, but it's not likely to end well.
"That is not a sandbox, it's where the kitty poops" are you sensing a theme here? I am so sick of discussing poop. Also, I am totally sick of cats. They are almost as much works as kids, and they are sneakier. And my cats are . . . mentally ill? Emotionally damaged? Effing weird anyway. More on that another day.
"Please don't open the door- hey wait- Grace Marie get back in- Jesus wait til I get my pants up - aaahhh- w-w-w-wait. Gracemarie please NEVER open the door while Mommy is still peeing. It's okay at home but we are in public. Okay?" yep. Occasionally we do talk about things other than the bathroom. I think. We must, right?
What about you? What have you said lately that you never dreamed you'd have to say?
Said today to my seven year old "Please do not dress up in my USB cables!"
ReplyDeleteOy.